Psalm 73: Almost

Our lives are filled with “almosts”. The job we almost got, the direction we almost took, the mistake we almost made. When my sons started playing baseball, I discovered that almost every man that attends a little league game was almost a professional athlete; except for an injury, a coach that didn’t like them or an opportunity that never came. What we discover is that “almost” is a fairly relative term. To some “almost” describes something that was very close to happening, to others it’s something that they always hoped for but never got near. We’ve all got an almost, some are good, and some are bad, but as the old saying goes, “almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”

In Psalm 73, Asaph wrote, “my feet almost stumbled”. The New Living Translation says, “I almost lost my footing”. The question that should be asked first is, “what did he stumble from?” The psalm began with this declaration, “Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.” The psalmist uses the word “truly” here, Jesus used it in double form in the New Testament, “Truly, truly . . .”, it was a call to listen closely, to look up, to pay attention; that if nothing else was going to be heard, please hear this. This is not an opinion, it’s not an answer to a question, it’s a creed, it’s one thing that he is sure of, “God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart.” Sometimes the way to sureness is through stumbling, sometimes the only way to be held firm is to have almost slipped.

The honesty of this psalm is beautiful and so necessary for many of us today. We are often told to hold on, to push through, to just keep going, which is all good advice, but if we aren’t careful, we end up barking commands at each other without sharing our own stories. Asaph came to share his confidence of God’s goodness by almost losing his grip. He had heard God was good, he had sung about and probably even written songs of God’s goodness, but at some point he had doubts, at some point he had fears, at some point his questions almost led him to let go of what he was trying to hold onto.

He knew God was good but when he looked around, he saw the wicked, the sinful, the godless living lives that appeared to be better than his. He is very honest, “I was envious of the arrogant.” There are times when our lives miss the mark that we had expected, not only the mark we had expected of ourselves, but the mark that we had expected from God. I don’t need to go through the list of things we have seen or been touched by, I can only say with certainty that we have all had times when what we have reaped doesn’t seem like what we’ve sowed. Asaph saw in the lives of others what he had hoped for himself, but just as much, he was experiencing in his own life things that he had not expected, things that didn’t seem fair, most of all things that he didn’t understand.

Doubt is not a sign of weakness, it is not a lack of faith and it is not a sin against God’s goodness, it is a test of faith. I recently read in Michael Wilcock’s commentary on The Psalms, “doubt is something only a believer can experience, for you can only doubt what you believe.” Temptation tests our will, but doubt tests our faith. It raises questions that take us beyond our understanding, it shakes our foundation to bring us to even surer footing. I’ve heard it said that we should “doubt our doubts”, but I believe we should embrace doubt. Ask the questions, poke the holes, feel the stumble. Asaph doesn’t hide his doubts from us, and he had not hid his doubts from God.

He felt the feelings, he made the complaints and he asked the questions. Much like Job, he didn’t try to push his doubts away, he pulled them near, not fearing that he would discover that he had been wrong, but confident that God would teach him what was right. He didn’t make complaints about God, but he took them to God, he didn’t become one who pulled others down with him, but he reached out to God as he stumbled. He didn’t make assumptions, he kept his eyes, his heart and his mind open and because he did, God answered.

The psalm, the doubts, the footing all turned in one statement, “until I went into the sanctuary of God”. Something happened when Asaph went to God’s presence, to the temple with his doubts. In that place and in that condition, he said that he began to understand the true plight of the wicked, but much more, the true character of God. In his place of question and doubt he discovered, “Nevertheless (no matter undeserved good for some and undeserved suffering for me), I am continually with you; you hold my right hand . . . My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart ad my portion forever.” The presence of God didn’t simply drive out the doubts, it established the truth. The doubts actually increased his faith, almost slipping led him to a place where he could stand firmer than ever before.

Don’t fear doubt, explore it. Don’t hide hurt, confess it. Don’t expect to understand it all but be willing to learn from what you don’t understand. I hate to say it, but I disagree with Asaph. I know it’s his psalm and his testimony, but as I see it, he didn’t almost stumble because God was holding him all along. The same God that brings us into faith, uses doubt to build our faith. He’s not afraid of our questions or offended by our feelings and so He not only lets us ask, He creates that tension that raises our doubts. The same way He humbled Israel and allowed them to hunger (Deuteronomy 8:3) so that He could feed them with manna and teach them the satisfying quality of His Word, He shakes our foundation and shifts our focus so that we will learn His goodness and trust His love. The truth as I see it and as Asaph experienced it is that we’ve almost stumbled but never even been close to falling. While we feel like we may fall, we are being held, and while our faith seems like it is under attack, we are “kept by the power of God through faith”. Don’t be afraid to stumble or doubt, it only means that you are about to be caught and your faith is sure to be built.